The Tutor.com Blog

At about this time each year, homework becomes a major topic of conversation among parents and their children.  The academic year is well under way and first marking periods are approaching.   Homework can be a source of tremendous anxiety, frustration and stress in many American households.  Parents get home from work, try to pull together supper and look forward to spending some relaxing time with their families but the dread of getting homework done often hangs over the evening.  What is a parent to do?

There have been many studies conducted to try to establish the value of homework.  Although some seem to indicate that there is a value, especially for older children, there is not universal agreement on the conclusions. What has been established is that students who come to class prepared are much more likely to succeed than those who do not.  Regardless of what studies show about the benefits of homework, it is a fact of life.

What can parents to do make the dreaded nightly homework hassles more manageable for themselves and their kids?

Here are 5 tips that may help families to weather the homework storms:

1.  Establish a routine

In order to get just about anything done in life, you need to have a set time and place for getting it done.  Laundry on Saturday mornings.  Trash out on Tuesday nights.  Encourage your kids to do their homework at the same time each day.  The ideal time is to get it done after school.  The material is fresh in their minds; they still may have energy left and their evenings are free for family time or other activities.  If doing homework afterschool at school or at the library or at home is not feasible, then try to help your student decide on the right time and place for getting their homework done.  Maybe it gets done from 7 to 9 in the kitchen on Mondays and Wednesdays and at school from 4 to 6 on Tuesdays or Thursdays.  Try to rearrange schedules so that this schedule can be adhered to and so that the routine becomes firmly established.

2.  Help your kids get organized

Some kids are naturally organized and can get down to business immediately.  Others may need some coaching.  Start at a young age encouraging  your son or daughter to keep a folder or notebook or planner with all of their assignments and due dates as well as any supporting materials.  When they sit down to start homework, they should review the assignment, make sure they have everything they need and then get started.   It is important to also have a strategy for when they get stuck.  If it is something that they may be able to get help with later, they should know to put that assignment aside and move on to the next one.

3.  Providing help

There will always be times when a student gets stuck on an assignment. Perhaps it isn’t clear. Perhaps they did not understand the lesson. Perhaps it is highly challenging.  Parents have options for dealing with these situations.  If it is something you can help with and would like to help with, of course you want to encourage your kids to come to you for help.   In this instance, your job is to be a coach or guide or even cheerleader but not to do the work.  If you cannot help perhaps there is a friend who might be able to explain the concept.  And of course, students can always log on to Tutor.com to get help 24/7 from expert tutors.

4. Manage their frustration and your own

A key point here is to try to manage frustration.  Frustration and stress can actually block an individual’s ability to comprehend.  It can also lead to a lack of confidence which in turn can spiral downward into a belief that the student is incapable of succeeding in that subject.  Furthermore, if you, the parent, get frustrated, you will only increase your child’s frustration.  It there are no other resources available and if your child has tried to complete the assignment but cannot, it is important to let him/her know that it is okay. One of the reasons for assigning homework is to help teachers understand if students are grasping the material.  Decide with your student on what the best course of action is:  the student can let the teacher know that s/he tried but could not complete the work and/or you can add a note to the homework indicating the amount of time that the student spent on it and the fact that s/he was unable to complete it and why. Be sure to follow up with your child the next day to find out how the issue was resolved with the teacher.

5.  Talk to the teacher

If homework is truly becoming an issue in your home, then it is important to talk to the teacher(s).  Present your concerns objectively and do your best to pinpoint the issue(s). Teachers often do not coordinate with each other on assignments and they may have no idea that two other teachers have also given lengthy assignments for the same time period.  The teacher may not realize your son or daughter’s level of frustration.   Based on the information you and your student provide, the teacher may also be able to suggest alternative strategies or additional assistance that may be available.

Parents need to support their sons and daughters in learning.  You want to be sure that they take their assignments seriously and you also want to make sure to be supportive of them when they are struggling with their work.  In the final analysis, your relationship with your child is much more important than the 39^th question on page 122.

What are your homework tips?

For a lot of students, November is synonymous with “report cards.” For many schools, this is the first time your teachers have sent a formal report of your grades, that your parents must sign. Even wonderful students can sometimes get a little nervous, and if you are struggling in a particular class – the wait for that envelope or progress report can be interminable.  For some students, even worse then seeing the grade, is knowing you have to bring it home to your family.

No matter what grades you get, there are a few ways to share (or break) the news.

• The Fridge Bulletin- One good sturdy magnet, and voila! A way to share the news with the parents. You know at some point, they are going to see it, and maybe if you let them have the last piece of leftover chocolate cake, they will be in a good mood. And if the grades are everything they expected, they may share!
• The Chore Whammy – Now is not the time to slack on your household chores. They may suspect something is up when they see the dishwasher has been emptied, your shoes aren’t on the stairs and the garbage has been taken out–but reminding your parents that you do a lot can’t hurt. For bonus points, put the report card right under their breakfast plate. (The breakfast that you made them, of course.)
• The Corporate Approach – Whether you are happy with your grades or not, sit the report-card signer(s) down and dazzle them with charts of how much time you have been studying, bullet points of achievement this quarter, and a detailed plan of how you are either going to improve your grades, or a list of why this proves you are now responsible for an hour of curfew-extension.

Tutor.com can’t help you tell your parents your grades, but telling them you know where to find extra help in math, English and social studies is sure to make the conversation a little smoother.

What is your “report card reveal” strategy?

Skills for College Life

“Mommy – is this my left hand?” asks my four year old daughter as she plays Twister with her cousins. Nicole proceeds to ask me this question at least 27 times during the game as she has not yet learned her left hand from her right hand.  This sweet memory of my daughter is so vibrant that it could have been just last week but in reality it was 13 years ago. I know it is cliché to say “where did the time go” but to me there is no truer statement. My precious little girl has grown up into a confident, ambitious young woman and is heading to college in September.

Nicole and thousands of other teenagers are spending their official last summer of being a permanent resident in their family home. Amidst the mixed emotions of this epic time in a family’s journey comes the question- “Is she/he ready for life on their own?”

I am not talking specifically here about whether my daughter has learned to make good choices (that process started when she was a toddler and is reinforced every day) but whether my husband and I have provided her with very practical skills that will help her as she sets out on her own.

What to Learn Before Leaving Home

Here are a few practical skills or experiences that I know will help Nicole as she heads to college:

Laundry. I am fortunate that my daughter started doing her laundry the summer prior to her freshman year of high school. I am sure though that there are moms out there who still launder their teenager’s clothes. Moms – if your sons or daughters have never turned on the washer/dryer then it is time to get the detergent and bleach out and conduct laundry 101. Nicole has a friend who was a college freshman last year and owned enough clothes (including underwear) to last from September through November.  At Thanksgiving, she brought her laundry home to mom! I don’t recommend this as I am sure there are not many teens who own 75 pairs of underwear.

Cooking. Most students will have a meal plan but there will be times that students will decide to forgo the alluring menu at the dining hall and make something on their own. It is wise to at least teach them how to boil water and heat pasta sauce. During my college years, pasta and tomato soup were a critical staple in my dorm room (and yes, I used tomato soup as a sauce on top of the pasta as I was a poor college student and could not afford the Ragu)!  A few cooking lessons prior to the start of school seems appropriate and kind to your child and their taste palate.

Making a phone call. In my family, I have always been the family member responsible for scheduling doctor’s appointments, calling teachers when a grade or assignment question arises or scheduling haircuts.  Teenagers need to learn how to communicate effectively with adults and to advocate for themselves both in person and on the phone. Although kids seem to never be without a cell phone these days it is usually to text and not to speak to someone. I suggest you start requiring that your teen take care of their own personal appointments and discussions with teachers and counselors early in their high school years so they are comfortable with adult interactions and being their own advocate whey they are finally out on their own.

I am confident that Nicole has the character to make good choices and the skills necessary to navigate college life. I do confess though that this knowledge is bittersweet as I still long to hear that little girl asking me – “Mommy, is this my left hand?”

Sandi White is the Vice President of Institutional Sales for Tutor.com and the mom of a seventeen year old daughter and a fifteen year old son.