The Tutor.com Blog

Things that military kids wish other people knew about them

We asked Garrett Hoppin, a military kid what he wishes civilian families knew about military families and military kids. Here’s what he had to say:

Our parents do more than just go on deployments…

… they are actually home sometimes.

Although deployments are common, military parents aren’t constantly deployed, in most cases.  Even when they’re not deployed, they have their regular duties and other shorter TDYs (temporary duty assignments that take them away from home).  We really appreciate when our parents are at home, but when they have to go, we understand why (at least most of the times).

Not every Air Force parent flies, not every Army parent is on the frontlines, and so on and so forth…

… there is way more to the military than that.

There are plenty of Air Force members that do fly, and plenty of Army members who are on the frontlines, but there are plenty of other jobs that support the mission. People work to plan missions, maintain planes, and run installations. In addition, new technologies are created everyday by engineers and projects are planned and built all over the world by the Army Corps of Engineers. All of these different parts make up the military.

Sometimes it may feel like we’re alienating you or distancing ourselves on purpose, but we get restless after a few years and…

… it just feels like it is time to move.

Every three years or so,  military brats are used to packing everything up and moving from one installation to another (generally from one state to another or one country to another). We not only have to leave our schools, communities, and familiar surroundings, we also have to leave our friends. In order to prepare for this, every three years,  military kids tend to begin the process of wrapping things up with their friends, understanding that they have to leave them soon.  So if you know a military brat who suddenly begins to become distant, understand that there might be more going on than you think.

Many brats go on to serve in the military, but not every kid wants to follow in their parent’s footsteps…

… some of us are done after eighteen years as a brat.

Although each military brat understands the significance of their parent’s military service, not every one of us wants to follow in our parent’s footsteps. After being in the military for all of our lives (the family is part of the military as well), and moving and leaving friends every three years, the idea of doing that for the rest of our lives is not always appealing.  This doesn’t mean we’re not proud of our parent’s service or that we don’t want to serve.  You may just find us serving our country in other ways – perhaps through volunteering and continuing to support those in uniform.

Finally, the one thing we’d like you to know about us is…..

…..we are proud to be military kids.

We understand the importance of our parent’s job and though their jobs take them away from the family a lot, we couldn’t be prouder of what they do.  And even though the lifestyle comes with its challenges, there are plenty of rewards associated with it as well.

Garrett Hoppin is a high school senior in Northern Virginia. As an Air Force brat he has lived in places from Japan to Kansas to Germany. When he isn’t writing, he loves volunteering, rowing, and helping lead his school’s Model United Nations club.

In the United States there are approximately two million children that had a parent in either the active or reserve portion of the military stated the 2009 RAND study.  Researchers also found that across all age groups, children of military families had significantly higher levels of emotional difficulties than children in the general population with about one third of the children who participated in the survey reporting symptoms of anxiety higher than other studies of children.  One of the contributing factors to these symptoms of anxiety is having a parent deployed during war or just the general fear of that occurring.  As a parent who is going to be deployed, the caregiver during deployment, or an educator to children with a parent deployed there are a few ways to prepare the child for the departure of their parent whether you have just a few hours or month.  The key is to provide your child or student with reassurance of why you are doing this, where you are going, and most importantly that they are loved.

Be Honest

When you find out about deployment, tell your child as soon as possible and try not to spare any details.  Children are very perceptive and may assume something worse if they do not know all the facts.

Talk about your feelings

Many children feel that it may not be normal to have negative thoughts or feelings, let them know this is normal.  Also, be the first to share your feelings which will guide the children in talking about their feelings because many children may not have the vocabulary or capacity to communicate this on their own.

Explore the Destination.

Get out a map or a globe and show your child the route and location you will be at for the period of time you will not be at home.  Turn this into an educational experience, teaching them the weather trends, cultural norms, and popular products within the region you will be located using encyclopedias. Teachers could also use this as a classroom activity to Explore the Destination.

Communicate with your child’s school.

Talk with your child’s teacher and school administration to make them aware of the change the student will be going through.  This will give the administration a better understanding of why there may be emotional or behavioral changes in the student, as well as offer support.

If your child will have a new caregiver during your deployment, make sure to introduce the caregiver to your child’s teacher and administration to establish communication and avoid confusion for the future.

Memories.

Just a simple photograph for your child to carry with them at all times is very powerful when dealing with a deployed parent.  If you have a younger child, try to tape record yourself telling them their favorite bedtime story or favorite song to sing.  Videotapes of activities and great moments together are also very beneficial for the child to cope while you are away.  Ask your child for something they could take with them while they are away.  This could be a drawing or special mementos to help your child know you are thinking of them as well making them feel very important.

Create an activity to pass the time.

While you are away give the child an activity to pass the time.  Possible ideas are to create a chain where one link is added every day you are away.  The child could write how they are feeling that day on the link, and could give to you when you return.  This chain could also be used in the reverse manner, where it is created before you deploy with a link for everyday you will be gone.  The child could break a link each day using it as a countdown to your return.  For older children, choose a book to read that you may both enjoy, you can each read a passage a day and share your thoughts on the book when you return.

Make packing a fun family activity.

Don’t pack by yourself, have your family help to gain acceptance that you are leaving soon.  The child will feel important and that you care about their involvement.  You could also have your child decorate your footlocker, once again gaining importance and memories.

As an educator, many of the above tips apply whether it is exploring the deployed parent’s destination, establishing a relationship with the new caregiver, or simply sharing their feelings.  It is important that every adult in the child’s life understands the circumstances, is supportive, and is individually emotional supported to help the child cope and overcome the fears and frustrations of having a parent deployed.

Additional Resources on Pre-Deployment Preparation:

Deployment: Your Children and Separation: Military.com

How to prepare our children and stay involved in their education during deployment: Military Child Education Coalition

Nothing makes the day brighter than opening your inbox and finding an email like this:

Dear Tutor.com,

When my Dad deployed to Iraq for 6 months, my grades began to drop increasingly. I cared about them so much. I had no one to get help from. Now, after a search on Google, and finding Tutor.com, I now not only see my grades in the A`s and B`s, but see a Tutor that is there just for me, helping me, and making me confident. I am so fortunate that you have the Military Program, it means a lot to me, and it means a lot to my Dad. You guys are the best!

Regards,
R.

Find out more  about Tutor.com for military families.